Ah, primaries - when a man's thoughts runs to fits of lunacy...

 The bipartisan quest to find new lakes of Stupid during primary season takes a couple of interesting turns: first, it was this repulsive radio commercial by Andy Martin, who was once a guest on a certain nationally syndicated radio loudmouth's TV show on Fox News. It figures.

And in this corner, Urkel's supporters play the race card and demean two fellow African-American candidates at the same time.   

Ah, Illinois politics. You've gotta love 'em. But only if you actually like having the equivalent of tertiary syphilis.

Overly large steroid abuser nearly weeps on cable TV; world yawns in response

 Well, here's a huge shock. Mark McGwire finally admitted the obvious, but only in such a way that he could actually pretend he did it for reasons other than smacking baseballs out of ballparks at a record pace. Or perhaps not, as a FBI informant seems to think.

Sure, McGwire's credible on this. As was Sammy Sosa's claim that he was taking Flintstones vitamins when he started gaining muscle. As was Barry Bonds' alleged perjury about his use of anabolic steroids. As was Roger Clemens' ridiculous testimony in Congress, which was only rivaled by Rafael Palmeiro's equally ridiculous testimony. Sosa, of course, forgot how to speak English in front of that same subcommittee, just as Tony LaRussa forgot that McGwire and Jose Canseco were starting to look a bit too buff when they both played for Oakland as a result of reasons that had absolute nothing to do with juicing, no sirree Bob! 

Speaking of Bobs, recently unemployed idiot Bobby Knight lowered the common denominator just a bit further, all in unvoiced - but obvious - support for his buddy Tony LaRussa.

Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to be a sports fan. And this is at least the equivalent of six of them.

Haiti

 The situation there can be only described as hideous. If you want to donate, this is a list of some charities that need your help.